yoursecrtamelie

The weekend is practically over and after not going out for a few months, I finally did last night! A big part of me not going out was how horrible I felt about myself. I would get dressed and think I just looked so gross. None of my clothes fit and I just felt so uncomfortable! I was still uncomfortable last night but I got over it enough to leave the house and get into an establishment to have fun with some friends! Yay me! LOL

The earliest I’ve been up in a long time. I got lots of sleep last night and since my back is KILLING me it wasn’t the best sleep I’ve ever had : (  Oh well….

I’m very happily drinking plenty of water and eating my “Lower Sugar” oatmeal. Getting ready for a walk in a little while. Then it’s off to work…from home : )

I have been trying to lose weight for, well, as long as I can remember. Sometimes it was healthy, somtimes not so much. Currently I am at my heaviest and it’s not a good feeling. I have issues with intimacy, hell, relationships in general and my self-esteem is lower than low. I have lived my teens and early twenties just plain uncomfortable. I have suffered from depression for quite some time now. My mother was diagnosed with colorectal cancer two years ago and just this evening told me that it had come back. My father has been living with diabetes for 20+ years. Life is too short to not enjoy every moment.

Okay, so the last time I posted (which was a while ago) I had started Jenny Craig. Suffice it to say, I didn’t really respond to that. Too expensive for me and I really feel like I need to do this all on my own. In January, I did it all on my own by eating right and working out! I gave up after I lost that 20 pounds! Last night my family and I had my birthday dinner and I just ate and ate and ate until I was sick. Food really is an addiction for me and I just need I don’t know why!! So, my BFF and I are beginning again today! We are going to be doing this especially since we are going to go to Texas in October. Our goal is to lose 10 pounds. We CAN and WILL do this!

So, today is the first day of the Jenny Craig diet. I was doing okay on my own but things started to spiral out of control. I need less options and convenience. Not FAST FOOD! Wish me luck.

I am slowly regaining my confidence. Who knew eating right and working out could do that LOL.

 I tried on some “underthings” that I haven’t worn in quite a while and I have to say, they looked good and made me feel great! I must say that it doesn’t help to not do anything to yourself (hair/makeup) and wear ill fitting clothes. I tried on a few super cute outfits in my closet last night and not only do they fit so much better, they look great!

Well, this is the start of my Biggest Loser style challenge with two of my friends. I’m totally going to kick some ass! They wont even know what hit them! I’m not even going to let the fact that my car got broken into last night stop me!

So, last night and this morning went marginally better than the night before. I worked out for around 45 minutes or so. I did some interval stuff which felt really good.

Unfortunately, I stayed up too late because I haven’t been able to sleep so I went and watched part of a movie (I know, not what I should have done) and then I made some (okay, a lot) pasta (not whole wheat) with I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter spray. I must say that it’s better than the loads of Mexican food I would have had before but not totally better. I’m still battling my food addiction and trying to incorporate more activity.

I guess what is the most frustrating is that I lost 20 POUNDS and I’m still fighting a (so far) losing battle. My addiction to food is really bad right now. I know that I’m getting ready to start my monthly time of fun but I don’t want that to be my excuse. I KNOW I can overcome this but right now it just seems insurmountable. It’s a vicious circle. I eat at night, sleep in super late, don’t have time/engergy/motivation to eat right in the morning and it starts all over again! Ugh…

Girl Scout cookies are the devil. I think that they might have a little bit of crack in the batter…

My guess is that eating an entire sleeve of Thin Mints and half a box of Caramel Delites (Samoas) isn’t too good for the weight loss. Ugh.